“Always believe that something wonderful is about to happen.”
Here we are: New Years Eve. So many people will be ringing in the New Year with glasses of champagne, amazing food, dancing, fireworks and many Americans watching the famous ball drop as the clock hits midnight and the year all of a sudden changes from 2014 to 2015. Many of us make resolutions for the upcoming year and if I had to guess (truly guess) the top three resolutions will be: weight loss (join a gym), no more sugar or processed food past tonight, manage money better and start saving etc. I used to make resolutions back in the day and they were almost always regarding chronic pain. They were not even what we call resolutions, they were really just wishes and hopes: no more pain, I will find a cure, I will do better research in finding the right treatment for my chronic pain. Obviously, for me none of these non-resolutions ever came to fruition. It was not New Years Eve when I decided to accept chronic pain and manage it naturally: that happened totally unexpectedly and without my desire. Since accepting that I have chronic pain and realizing the difference between pain and I suffering I no longer make so called resolutions on New Years Eve. I have not yet to date written down set resolutions about different changes I would like to make in the upcoming year. This is not to say that there are not many things I want to do differently and have a lot of things I need to work on: quite the opposite.
I awoke this morning and completely forgot that it is New Years Eve. I do not celebrate the holiday, my two year old is petrified of fireworks, I really do not like drinking, and I have work. In the past week, my daughter has been in the ER for more hours than I care to count, I got her virus, and now most all of my family members are sick and my focus has clearly been on getting Kayci better, and then getting myself better. I did yoga this morning as I forced myself to listen to my body even though I really wanted to do a kickboxing routine. As I was practicing yoga, it dawned on me that it was a holiday and maybe this year I would write down resolutions for the upcoming year. As I began thinking of resolutions, my mind started going nuts because there are so many little things and some big things I want to work on and have many goals and dreams for the future. I probably thought of at least fifty things I want to work on and suddenly was beyond overwhelmed and beating myself up because each thing I want to work on or dreams I have yet to fulfill started making me feel as if I do nothing right. That was the moment I remembered why I do not write down resolutions or try and think about the things I would like to work on. I do not need a holiday to remind myself of the things I need to work on because I make changes as the year progresses and my goals and dreams come when I stop thinking about them. If I was forced to write down one thing to change immediately it would be to stop being so hard on myself and look at all the good things I am doing at this very moment.
Many of you are having a really shitty year due to chronic pain and I wish I could tell you: “Guess what?!? It is going to be 2015 tomorrow and you will find a cure to your invisible illness and you will be happy!” I mean even I wish that was true even though I am able to manage chronic pain well most of the time and have accepted that I do not need a cure to be happy. That does not mean I would not love a magic cure to suddenly drop with the NY ball tonight for all of us. I cannot promise any of you anything. My advice for making resolutions and starting a new year is to just believe that something wonderful is going to happen. You are here in this time and place doing the very best you can. You have no idea what the future holds and all you need to do is keep an open mind and take one day at a time. Do not beat yourself up today. Yes it is New Years Eve and tomorrow is New Years Day. Well, the day after tomorrow is a new day too and the day after that and so on. We have each moment, hour, and each day to make changes and the less you dwell on what you want to change and just have faith, the better off today will be. In all honesty, all you have is today so why focus on a new year?
Everything is going to come together for all of us we just do not know when or how. Just remember: something wonderful is going to happen. Happy Day!