“You know what the issue is with this world? Everyone wants a magical solution to their problem, and everyone refuses to believe in magic.”
Alice In Wonderland
There are some moments in life that you just truly never forget. This was my daughter’s first year of being able to express thoughts through her words and understand to some degree the magic of Christmas. It has to be crazy for little people to wake up one morning and all of a sudden a pine tree is in their home, (real and usually outside) lights on people’s homes that shine through the night, and a random man with a white beard named Santa in most store windows. The most magical moment for me this past year was hearing Kayci say with such passion: “Mommy, it is so beautiful.” She was in awe when she saw her first Christmas tree lit up with lights and covered with decorations. She only knows the word beautiful because each night I sing to her: “You Are So Beautiful” by Joe Cocker as she falls asleep (same song my dad had always sang to me.) I love that Kayci believes in magic and has given me the gift of believing in magic again.
There is magic everywhere and we are so blinded by our own problems that we do not see what a magical world we live in. I go to a local produce store two days a week as juicing and healthy eating are a part of how I manage chronic pain. I have been going to the same produce junction since Kayci was in my tummy. They love her and have literally seen her grow week by week since I learned I was pregnant. Each time we go there she is given a “treat” such as a mini apple or mini pear. Each employee there knows us and we know them and due to the fact that I talk to everyone I know a lot about each person who works there. Many are from different countries and work their asses off in order to be able to support their families and live in the United Sates. A couple weeks ago, Kayci and I marched into the produce store and immediately noticed someone new was working. He was honestly the happiest, most helpful, kind person I had yet to see work there. I went up to the fruit stand and started giving him the long list of fruits I was purchasing. The first being, bananas. He asked me: “Which bundle of bananas would you like mam? Would you like them more yellow or green?” All I said was: “You are definitely new here, no one ever asks people which bag of bananas or any bag of fruit they want. It is okay, just give me whatever. But thank you.” I proceeded to ask him how he liked working there and with amazing enthusiasm this man said: “I love it. This is the greatest job I have ever had and the best boss. I have never been happier.” I know this store very well: no one has ever said they like working there and many complain about their boss. As my daughter and I walked out of the store I heard him talking and being beyond helpful with each customer who had been in line behind me. Move forward a couple weeks and same employee with the same enthusiasm and kindness to each person who walked in. After we ordered our fruits and veggies, I asked him: “Why do you like working here so much? Are you always this happy and nice to everyone?” He replied: “If you knew my story and background you would understand why I am the way I am.” Of course me being me had to ask: “What is the story?” He replied: “Oh no, I could not tell you that. People would look at me totally different. I do not have a good past and I don’t want people to judge me.” My heart sunk as I felt so sad that people are afraid to be judged by their lives: past and/or present. All I said was: “I never judge anyone. Everyone has a past and a story. We all do things and have done things that we are not proud of. All that matters is what you do now. Whatever your past actions or lifestyle was is the past and you should be proud of the person you are today.” Most of the people that work here are very poor and take three different buses just to get to work by five in the morning. They are paid the bear minimum and yet this person is probably one of the most grateful persons I have yet met. That is magic. He took a horrible life and turned it into something so simple and literally shines through his words and smiles. Magic.
All of us with chronic pain want a magical solution to our invisible illness. I spent ten years searching for a cure and self sabotaging myself by doing anything that would numb the physical pain that no one could see. Yes, a cure to chronic pain would be extremely magical. However, I think it is pretty magical to learn how to accept and manage pain without a cure or treatment. I am happy despite chronic pain: magic. Sometimes there is not the exact solution you want for a certain problem. However, once you start believing in yourself and go with the journey chronic pain has given you, you may find yourself saying: “Wow I am pretty happy and I never did find that cure to chronic pain. Maybe magic does exist!”
Happy New Year Everyone
Just breathe. Let your journey unfold.