“We are very good lawyers for our own mistakes, but very good judges for the mistakes of others.”
This is a very great example of why I love children, especially my daughter who beats to her own drum. In this picture she is not yet three and is walking to pick up the children I watch. Every mom, dad, an older child watches her with a happy expression on their face because she really is a unique child who just does her thing, no matter who is watching. I obviously am a firm believer in never judging anyone as I have been judged more times than I am able to count due to chronic pain. You know the comments one with an invisible illness hears on a daily basis: “What a drama queen/king” “She’s fine, look at her” “What is wrong with him, he is always at the doctors, is he a hypochondriac?” Etc Etc. Well, I am still “judged” because of my chronic pain, maybe even more so now that I do not talk about it, have accepted it and no longer go to any doctor that has anything to do with pain. My journey with chronic pain has taught me, more than anything to never judge anyone because you have no idea what battles a person is facing. Since Kayci has been born I have learned how much mothers gossip about other mothers and their parenting skills. It is unbelievable. Luckily, I am almost at a place where I truly am able to ignore negative comments from people who do not know me or know my story but it still gets to me at times. For example, yes Kayci just turned three. Yes, Kayci uses a binky once and a while: not nearly as much as she did a year ago but when she is tired she wants her binky. I cannot tell you the amount of times random people and people I know make comments regarding this damn binky. Just recently, my daughter and I were at Walmart food shopping and she was beyond exhausted. Yes, she had a binky in her mouth. A random woman came up to me and said: “You know five year olds really should not be allowed to use binkies.” Due to the fact that I am going through some personal things and I am unbelievably exhausted, I really almost screamed: “Shut up! My daughter has just turned three, she is tall and very intelligent so yes I understand why you would think she is five. You do not know me or my family or the struggles I face on a daily basis, so if the worst thing I am doing as a mother is allowing my daughter to use a binky once and a while than I am damn proud of myself. Have a great day. Oh look! There is a woman breast feeding over there…..better go call her out on it. You must be perfect, how old are your children?” However, what is the point? I just would never do that in general plus I really do not care what some random woman at Walmart thinks about me. The odd part is that when I walk away from negative comments, I actually feel sad for the person who made the comment. No happy person who is confident and complete with their life would take the time to criticize someone they never met. I am sure during my darkest hours of chronic pain I judged many people but in reality it was only because I was not happy with my life or myself.
This is very important for all of us to understand: people are going to say things about you, people will judge you, people will make you feel inferior to them but that is their issue, not yours. You have no obligation to explain yourself to anyone for how you chose to live your life. And do not get angry. First off, anger is such a punishment to put on yourself, especially when you have chronic pain. Anger only makes you feel worse and will never change the situation. However, walking away from negativity or people who judge you for your choices with your head held high, will make you love yourself more which in turn will help your pain levels. I am thirty three and will not be on this Earth forever: I believe I will be but not me (yea, this site is definitely not for any type of religion so I’ll stop there.) I just wish people would stop hurting others and judging others. Why? In theory, does it make you feel better about yourself or worse? If all of us focused on our own well being and spent our time bettering ourselves and helping others, we would not have the time to judge anyone. When I think about people I admire, they are people that are judged more than anyone I have ever met. Each week, my daughter and I go to a produce store near our home because we juice a LOT and it can be expensive but where we go is awesome. Most of the people who work there do not speak English well or are on the very poor spectrum of our society. A couple months ago, my daughter and I walked into the store which is like a playground to her because they have all known her since she was in my stomach. Many people who work there are exhausted, stressed, and just down. I get it. Most people who work there get up at three am, take three buses to get to their job, work all day, take buses home and make just enough money to feed their family and survive. So, it was very obvious to me that someone new was working at this store. The second we walked in, all I heard was laughing and joy. I looked at the checkout counter and saw a man I had never seen before. He was honestly the happiest, friendliest person to each and ever person who ordered their produce. One would have thought he was on a cruise. Kayci and I reached the counter and I started saying all the things we needed: memorized to a scary point. Before I could even get to the word oranges, the man was explaining each type of apple they had and which was better and he was dead serious and passionate (honestly) about apples. I said: “You are definitely new here. I have never seen anyone this happy working here.” He simply replied: “I’m alive, I love my job, and I get to see my kids. Life is good.” Of course, I replied: “The world needs more people like yourself.” In a hot second the man said: “Mam, if you knew my story you would not feel that way. I have a bad past and did a lot of bad things.” His response did not really affect me one way or the other aside that I felt sad that he was so ashamed of his past. I simply said: “We al have a past and have done bad things, myself included. Honestly, all that matters is what you are doing now.” With that, my daughter and I left, drove home and within minutes Frozen music was blasting in my car and I was in toddler land. This past few weeks that same man was no longer there. Finally, I asked one of the Spanish women that adore Kayci: “What happened to that happy big guy that was working here?” She replied: “He was fired. Something about police or something.” In the background I heard a worker say loudly: “The idiot did it to himself, or he was set up. He deserves punishment.” I don’t know, I just felt sad for this person who I know nothing about but that was seriously grateful for his life and where he was. despite the fact that he had to take buses to work and make only enough money to feed his children and wife. I do not know his story nor do I need to. How can we judge a person we know nothing about? This is something I will never understand, but I may not be this empathetic had it not been for my bike accident and chronic pain, and for that I am grateful.