“Sometimes when things are falling apart, they are actually falling into place.”
There is one huge blessing that came from my bike accident and chronic pain: I know everything always works out in some way shape or form and even when life feels as if falling apart it is most likely the beginning towards something happier and healthier. I would never had said this twelve years ago! I truly believed chronic pain would eventually kill me: ten years post brain surgery spent looking for a cure to endless pain was a complete disaster and with each passing month and year the chaos in my life grew. It grew to a point where I literally said: “I cannot go on. There is nothing more I can handle. I give up.” I hit the rock bottom of chronic pain and it was not until the heaviness of pain weighed me down to a point of literally believing I would die that I found the Pain Rehab Center in MN where the mountain in front of me was so damn high I am still not at the top and probably never will be. However, once I began this climb of accepting chronic pain and learning to live with it naturally, I slowly (very slowly) began a transformation into a person who lives in pain daily but rarely allows it to interfere with happiness or health. I highly doubt I would be the same person had I not fallen off my bike, had brain surgery, and subsequently lived a life with chronic pain. There are great things that happened due to my invisible illness: I love exercising, eating well, yoga, meditation, and am able to truly empathize with each person I meet and genuinely appreciate the little things. I do not believe I would be this person had that accident never occurred. The greatest blessing from living with chronic pain and coming so close to death is that I know things get better and I have a lot of faith in things most people would just give up on or say: “This is too much, I just cannot survive this life any longer.” I am not ever going to say I like chronic pain or am so happy I had brain surgery or declare: “Man I am so lucky wasn’t wearing a bike helmet that day! Phew. Imagine if I had been! Life with chronic pain is freaking awesome!” Chronic pain has been both a blessing and a curse but that is life, right?
Just because I have chronic pain or any of my readers have an invisible illness does not mean the Universe declares: “Ok, I have given this person and that person this so the rest of their life will be cake. That is just not reality. I am still a person dealing with real life issues that at this time are at times too damn much. Chronic pain is both a blessing and a curse for me right now in this fragment of my life. It is a curse because when one is struggling with enormous stress and life continues to test you, pain levels increase from the stress, crying at times, anger, frustration etc. People without chronic pain would have headaches during difficult times and all of our immune systems decrease when under a ton of stress, that is just how the body works. However, the blessing of my intensely long ass journey with chronic pain is knowing without a doubt that everything will work out and just because everything truly may suck at the moment, it will all get better and it is just another mountain to start climbing. I also know that when everything in our lives seems to be falling apart, it may be all coming together but we are unable to see the exact places each puzzle piece will fit. The pieces will come together and I know that because of a life dealing with chronic pain. We either learn from experiences and grow or we just give up. Sometimes things must fall totally apart in able for everything to become whole, happy, and healthy: that is not just regarding chronic pain, that is life.