“Worry pretends to be necessary, but serves no useful purpose.”
I have managed to accomplish a lot more than I ever thought possible when I first was diagnosed with chronic pain. Through this journey of pain I have done many things I am very proud of and some things that I will always regret. I cannot go back in time, nor can I control the future. All I have is today. The one thing I have the biggest struggle with is worrying. The what ifs in life truly hold me back from being happy and living in the present moment. I believe our society lives in such a fashion that our fears have much more power over us than our faith. For the past few weeks I have been living in the mode of fear as opposed to faith, much more than I have in a long time. I awoke this morning and realized that I am literally worried every second of every day and that worry and anxiety is having a huge impact on my invisible illness: chronic pain. We literally do believe we must worry if we want things to happen or not happen in our lives but this quote is undeniably true: it serves no purpose. More than that, it takes away our happiness, gratefulness, and if you have chronic pain magnifies your pain levels to levels in which I personally cannot stand. It is no wonder that anxiety and chronic pain go hand in hand.
I literally have to remind myself that every time I am worried that my life and the lives of the people I love are falling apart, everything does come back together and with time huge lessons and healing happen. One of the main reasons I keep the “one liner journal” is to remind myself of that. If you are new to my blog/story I will share with you my one liner journal for today March 3rd. I have yet to look at this page, so I’m doing it with you.
2011: Went to OBGYN because I am so afraid I will not be able to have children. This miscarriage has truly made me so afraid. I am perfectly fine and the doctor said there is nothing wrong with me, phew. Yoga at Living Joy.
2012: Rested with my little family. Kayci is a month old and we are tired! Gave her a bath, it still scares me! I love my two Littles. Family from New York came to visit and meet Kayci. We went to a pizza place and La La was able to join us!
2013: Sunday Funday! My Uncle came over to view the things of La La’s he would like to have. I hate this. I wish she was just still here. Produce Junction (juicing obsessed!) Movie night.
2014: Snowed in again!!! The snow will not stop! Uncle J is here and we are all cozied up. Yoga nidra (so needed, totally works.) Work out, juice, went to neighbors for lunch, hilarious as always. Read for an hour, bath, dinner. So excited, K is planning a trip for just the three of us!!!
2015: Kickboxing, typing a post……
Ok, so not the most exciting day in the past few years but this is an example of the “one liner journal.” Although, some dates are much more significant even looking back on this I remember each of these days: almost too well. For a minute I paused and wanted to go back in time. However, once again that is not the point of this journal. It is truly to see how much can change in a year. Even when things seem like they will never get better, with time and patience they do. Worrying will never change the outcome and as Eckhart Tolle points out: serves no purpose. In essence, worrying will only make things worse and cause us to believe things that probably are not even true.
“Let your faith be bigger than your fears.”