“Time is tricky. You have months, even years when nothing changes a speck, when you don’t go anywhere or do anything or think one new thought. And then you can get hit with a day, or an hour, or half a second when so much happens it’s almost like you got born all over again into some brand-new person you for damn sure never expected to meet.”
E. R. Frank
This is one of the most profound quotes I have read in a long time and I read a lot. I honestly wish I could take credit for it because it is truly outstanding. Time is a very tricky thing, we get lost in a moment, a month, a year, and with my personal journey with chronic pain a decade. Ten years of searching for a cure, relief from pain, depression, and hopelessness and literally out of the blue without any warning I am suddenly in the state of Minnesota surrounded by people who also have chronic pain learning how to not only accept pain but learn how to manage it naturally. I can promise you I never thought I would end up in Minnesota much less make a choice to accept chronic pain and end my search for a cure and/or relief. For ten years I was stuck on one thought: cure my chronic pain. I hate my life, I cannot survive one more damn day in physical pain. If I do not find a cure I will most definitely die. Then, as this quote says I was hit with a day where I truly was re-born and was able to find the person I was before my bike accident. I became a totally different person inside and out. Literally, everything about my life changed and with a lot of work, time, dedication I became a person I loved was proud of and found happiness despite chronic pain.
Times like these have come again since my stay in Minnesota many years ago and I get stuck in a moment, month or year and again out of no where something happens and I am re-born again. There is that saying that we all know: “God only gives us as much as we are able to handle.” I am not a religious person but I am a very spiritual person and whatever higher being is above me is truly putting me to the test. Each time, I say I cannot take anymore I wake up the next day and keep going. My best friend who is really a sister to me (she was actually there when I had brain surgery at the age of thirteen, I am thirty-three….long time friendship) said to me this morning on the phone: “I am so proud of you. I honestly do not know how you do it.” What she is referring to is a multitude of things and there is no reason to name them. I am an open book for the world regarding chronic pain but there are things that I choose to keep to myself because as much as I love writing and making my dream come true, I love my family more. The difference between my decade of time in hell searching for that cure and now is that I am a wiser, stronger person that knows everything works out and it can take a minute or day or even a second for life to change for the better. The hardest part is not knowing how or when but I do know it is never when or how one thinks it will be. That is the blessing chronic pain has given me: faith, strength, and the knowledge that giving up is never an option.
I hope you all have a wonderful weekend. There are blessings to be found in even the toughest of times.