“What difference does their approval or disapproval truly make to who you are?”
Lovely picture taken yesterday of my toddler and I at her pediatrician’s office. Kayci has been awesome at getting sick each holiday so far this year: Christmas, New Years, and now even St. Patrick’s Day. Each of those days I have had puke on me many times (so not complaining, I love motherhood and all the vomit that comes with it.) We entered the doctor’s office and Kayci puked literally five seconds into entering the building. Mothers looked at me like I was Satan probably thinking: “Great, now my son or daughter is going to get sick with that. Thanks lady.” I felt guilty for a second and then realized why should I apologize or care about stranger’s approval at any given time much less in a doctor’s office. Where would they have rather me of taken her to get better, the mall?
I cannot believe the amount of energy we all waste trying to get the approval of others and in turn worrying that people disapprove of us and our choices. This is another subject that should be taught in schools at a young age. Before my bike accident I wanted the approval of my parents so badly and was always looking for that gold star. I wish someone had taught me then that expectations usually lead to disappointment and that each of us needs to give ourselves our own gold star. So much of what I did as a child was done to please my parents, peers, and teachers. I am not sure I ever did all the good things I did for myself, I am not sure any children do. Hence, why I often write self love needs to be taught way before addition and subtraction. It is no wonder we carry this desire for approval into adulthood, I cannot believe at the age of thirty three I still desire approval and expect gold stars from my loved ones on a daily basis. Worse, I am always afraid of disapproval. I have made many mistakes in my teenage to adult years but I can tell you now at this time I feel very good about my truth and am proud of how I have finally learned from my past mistakes. However, I still worry that my loved ones will disapprove of any decision I make, and honestly most are very healthy, honest, brave decisions that I myself am proud of. Therefore, why do I worry so much what my loved ones think and when I say loved ones I am speaking to literally each person I love and want to make happy. I must stop. We all must stop.
Stop waiting for gold stars from the people you love: it will only lead to disappointment and in turn stress. Instead, create the reality you too desire. Are you giving your loved ones gold stars and recognition for all the good they do? I highly doubt we are, I have not in many areas of my life. What we give, we will in some way receive. If we project negativity, we will be given negativity but if we give out gold stars (appreciation) we will then receive a few gold stars. Do things for your own approval, in the end the love and gold stars you give yourself will end up making you so much happier than anything anyone else could give you.