inner child

Healing Your Past


“Your inner child is in control of your life.  Until you re-parent it and your inner child heals, only then you will be an adult and take charge of your life.”

We so often to neglect looking back at our childhoods because the past is in the past and most of our lives are so busy and at times difficult that we just do not have the time to think about our childhood.  I am most certain none of us had a perfect childhood and what does perfect mean anyways?  Any wound, scar, fear, or grief you encountered during your formative years follows you into the present tense and if we do not heal these wounds we will carry them around forever and subconsciously make choices and feel “pain” because we never did heal.  I have a difficult time writing about the people I love which includes both my parents because they are both amazing people and I never want anyone to feel I am putting them down or take my journey with chronic pain too personally as some people in my world (and rightfully so, it took me years to be able to be brutally honest about chronic pain much less write about my life for the entire world to see.)  However, in order to help myself and my readers to understand what the hell I am talking about, I have to give an example from my personal childhood without going into details.  My parents had me at a very young age and I was a definite “surprise.”  Now that I have had a couple of miscarriages and see that it is actually not easy to get pregnant if trying: “surprises are the best. For my parents, I was the best surprise just as Kayci was the best surprise for myself and family.  While we are on the topic: “Hey Universe….surprise me!”  Ok, back to my childhood.  I went through difficult times in which I felt abandoned.  Some of my memories are so vivid it has always been difficult to talk about much less try and heal.  To be quite honest, I have had no clue how to heal the wounds from my childhood.  I totally agree with the above quote, however I like many of us need to know how to do something such as healing my past and the pain I felt as a child.  The feelings of abandonment have carried me through my entire life without even realizing it.  After my bike accident, chronic pain took over and I never thought of anything but pain.  However, sadly for all of us with an invisible illness we develop a fear of abandonment so that brain surgery really did not help with my childhood fears and wounds.

I have grown up a lot and the adult Jessica is wise, empathetic, following her dreams, and genuinely a good person.  Little Jessica comes out at times when I am afraid or when I feel hurt and I become lost in tears and grief and that huge fear of abandonment takes over me and I just cry alone.  Now, that I am growing up in a different way because once I began managing chronic pain naturally, I truly did grow up.  However, I am now at a point that I am wiser than I was this time last year.  I can see past my pain and see the pain in others even when I am angry or hurt.  I am working hard at non resistance, and non attachment but it can be quite difficult.  It is now time to begin healing my inner child so that I let go of the pain that subconsciously holds me down and that little Jessica comes out and she does need me.  I started reading last night about how to heal your inner child because I truly do not know how.   Here are just some tips I researched quickly that I found to make some sense.

1. Self Awareness: We need to truly figure out our needs, and wants.  What is holding you back from your childhood that was toxic?  Clearly for me: abandonment and fear.

2. See where you are repeating emotional cycles in your life and what from you childhood is causing you to do so.  For example so many women (this is not my situation at all, just a popular one) had a parent who was an alcoholic.  Because that is all they are used to, they end up dating men that enjoy drinking and so many times end up with someone who is most like their father.  Or chaos.  If you had a childhood that was full of chaos, that is your norm so you create chaos subconsciously in your adult life because you know no better.  Locate the original origin of your pain.

3.  Grieve loss or the original wound from your childhood such as lack of attention, affection, love or feeling of abandonment.  Until these feelings or wounds are healed, it is extremely difficult of find the peace we all deserve as adults.

4. Talk to someone you trust: see a therapist, email me, write it all out if you must as hard as may be.  Get that crap out of you, it is holding you back.

5. Re-parent yourself.  Subconsciously and consciously we are always re-thinking negative core beliefs about ourselves and our fears from our past carry us into our present moment.

6.  Clear away resentment: Create your story.

Louise Hay is a huge believer in healing your inner child.  I always preach to practice some form of meditation.  If you would like to kill two birds with one stone go on Amazon and order a Meditation CD by Louise Hay focusing on healing your inner child.  She has made tons, trust me I have them.

“We are all victims of victims and everyone is doing the best they can with what they know.”

Louise Hay



3 thoughts on “Healing Your Past

  1. Veronique says:

    Hi Jessica,
    I so appreciate your courage in speaking about your past, and how important it is in influencing our present. I, too, have long been working with issues from childhood. And mine really looked very good but also left me feeling remarkably alone. I’ve been doing therapy (including trauma therapy and working with prenatal and birth-related events in my life) for years. I find it a very slow, incremental process but like you, I am gradually reaping the benefits. I am in a wonderful long-term relationship for the first time, have been learning to love myself and even to appreciate the motivation my own chronic illness (chronic fatigue) has given me to keep doing this sometimes intense, often labor-intensive work.

    Wishing you the best in this ongoing process and so happy for you for how you have found this wise adult self in the process!

  2. Brooke says:

    Hi Jessica! I’m a new reader and just love where you wrote that you now “can see past my pain and see the pain in others even when I am angry or hurt.” I love that.

    You have helped me articulate one of my new goals of being able to: “To see past my pain, and see the pain in others, even when I am angry or hurt.” Hmm, to be frank, perhaps my first step will be to ONLY to “See past my pain”. 🙂 baby steps right? It might be a huge hurdle to just see past my pain alone and perhaps just be present for others. Seeing the pain in others might be the next level of that hurdle! Chronic pain started in 2008 but the current level of my pain is recently reached an all-time high (and is constant). I’m glad I found your blog 🙂 I will never give up hope.

    • Hi love!!
      I have beem right where u r. Came close too close to giving up. If u read past posts u will c
      Email me pls Im here for u
      My twitter is @happydespitepain
      I put crazy true past posts up.
      But for real I get it n u will b ok.
      Email me anytime.

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