Caregiver Stress and Chronic Pain, chronic pain, inner child, Intuition, simplify life, Support for Chronic Pain

Stop Wasting Your Time: Focus on YOU


“Never waste your time trying to explain who you are to people who are committed to misunderstanding you.”

If you read my previous post it was a dedication to my dad whom had his birthday this past Wednesday.  He reads all my writings and I received a text from him that night saying: “Wow, now I have tears in my eyes.  That was the best present I ever got.” The following day he was with my daughter and I and I do not remember how it came up but his Birthday Post came up in conversation and he said something I do not think I will forget: “You know Jess, most dads would read that and think wow my job here is done.”  As we all know parents and children of parents one never stops being a mother or father and we are all works in progress.   Most people, especially my readers would think that I never have a bad day regarding chronic pain or just life in general because I have come such a long way with my journey and am able to live a happy, healthy life despite chronic pain.  I wish that was true but it is far from the any truth.  I have bad days, I sometimes cry myself to sleep, there are moments that physical pain is excruciating but I do not talk about it for many reasons: all positive. For one, talking about my physical pain causes me to think more about my pain which in turn intensifies the pain and it’s duration. Secondly, I know I will be okay the next day or even next hour.  Having that knowledge makes all the difference.   I remember when I was on my endless search for a cure to chronic pain saying: “If someone just said to me ‘Jessica, you will be in horrible physical pain for about four more years but after that you will be free from pain, I would be happy because I could do this for four years but not forever.”  How many of you just thought: Oh My God, exactly!!! I know trust me, we are all more similar than you think.  There are so many times I want people to understand how hard I fight every damn day to manage chronic pain without using medication.  I have to be honest in what I write or there is absolutely no reason to be sharing my life with pain in order to help others.  I still want “flowers” for chronic pain but not actual flowers as flowers die: flowers are a metaphor to what we all really want in life: acknowledgement, understanding, and those three magical words: I Believe You.  However, we can only change ourselves and looking for appreciation and expecting anyone to give you “flowers” will only bring you down and cause you sadness, anger, and frustration.  Three emotions that if carried around non-stop will just make your life with chronic pain that much more difficult.  As Deeak Chopra says: “Expectation is the thief of joy.” Being proud of yourself and focusing on your health and growth will lead you to happiness and you will no longer need compliments or the “flowers” you once did.

I cannot emphasisze this enough: we must stop focusing on what others say or think about us.  The people who talk behind your back or make you feel bad about yourself are the people who do not want to focus on their own problems.   I will be thirty four in two months and I still sometimes care about what people think and say about me.  For the most part I do not but I care a lot more than I would like to.

Most people never really are thinking about you, most of that negative self talk is within yourself. People are busy, people have their own lives and problems to work through. And so what if someone thinks something about you that is not true. Why should that affect you, you know your truth. There are still people in my life that do not really believe my pain. I look healthy and happy and for the most part I am. We all, including myself must stop. Do you want to be happy or do you want to be sad because the choice is yours. I promise you worrying about what others think about you will lead you to much more pain and sadness. Chronic pain is usually invisible but you are not and neither is your pain. No one has the right to judge another person and you know that. Yes, many of you need support and I am so happy when a reader writes me or sends me an email asking for advice. This is a must for all of you. However, I have chronic pain and I know and understand how you feel. Your friends and loved ones most likely do not have any understanding of what you are going through, how could they? This weekend my goal and I am asking this from all of you too is to stop your mind from any negative thoughts that do not come from within. Focus on you, your health and your happiness. If you hear something negative said about you, let it go. If you start wondering if he or she believes you are in pain stop overthinking because frankly the he or she you are thinking about is focusing on their own lives and no offense but they care much more about their own lives (as they should) then yours or mine. I understand your pain. I know how you feel. Email me, and the second you start the downward spiral of wanting “flowers” for anything go out and pick your own “flowers.” The more you focus on bettering yourself, the less you will focus or even have time to care what anyone thinks.



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