Support for Chronic Pain

Moments to Break the Pain

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“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes.  Don’t resist them; that creates sorrow.  Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whichever way they want.”

Lao Tzo

Sometimes I break: not for long but for a couple hours and once in a blue moon a couple of days.  This has been a challenging week due to many factors that all of us may face time to time.  Unfortunately, as my stress levels and anxieties increase: my “difficult days” become well, more difficult.  This past Saturday was one of those days where you just want to lay in bed and cry until the emotional and physical pain disappear.  One of those days where you begin catastrophizing everything in your life.  Your mind goes crazy and you begin thinking that just because you are having a horrible day means your future days will be awful as well.  I know that to be false but sometimes you get lost in a moment.   I reached a point where I knew I had to do something to clear my head.  My daughter and I walked to our playground which is just around the lake, and there was a huge birthday party happening at the playground.  At first I was excited because I thought there was a fair or something happening for the public.  Kayci began running towards our playground because she saw a bouncy house and two Ninja Turtle characters walking around.  As we got closer, I realized it was definitely not open to public and was clearly a birthday party.  Children feed off of energy and if there is negativity or sadness surrounding them, they pick up on it and act out in ways they usually would not because they are confused.  Well, Saturday was one of those days for Kayci because I was not doing great.  Add the circus, bounce house, and Ninja Turtles to the mix (that she is not allowed to participate in) and we have a mess.  Of course she was confused, this is the playground we have been going to since she was born.  Kayci loves  bounce houses, kids, parties, music, face painting, and oddly the Ninja Turtles.  However, she was only allowed to use the swings or slide down the sliding board because this was not for anyone who was not part of the “private” birthday party.  I will be honest, I was a little annoyed.  It would be like someone dropping one of my dreams in front of me and saying: “This is what you cannot have!”

Kayci is a lot like her Mommy, which I hope is a good thing.  Everyone calls her mini Jessica because she is so outgoing, care free, loves dancing and music, and frankly kind of crazy (the good kind.)  After about ten minutes of her just staring at the birthday party and watching everyone bounce and dance and play she looked at me with her little devilish eyes and I knew what she was going to do.  I would have done the same thing.  I just looked at her and said: “Go for it love.”  She ran into the circus tent (above picture) and joined the party.  I swear it was like a scene from “Wedding Crashers.”  Yes, I had to run in and get there as the parents were not happy a “non guest”  whom is a toddler threw her shoes off and jumped right on in.  I made sure to take a picture first though: that went over well ha.  This moment put life in perspective: I was laughing hysterically and I was honestly proud of her.  I refer to movies produced by John Hughes often as I am a child from the eighties.  One of my favorite movies is entitled: “Parenthood.”  At the end of the movie the main character (Steve Martin)  who has three children and one of the way is sitting at his daughter’s play with his wife and youngest son.  He has just lost his job and been told that his wife is pregnant.  He is on the verge of losing it until one moment.  His toddler runs up onto the stage in front of an entire crowd to “save his sister” as he does not realize she is just in a play and not really getting hurt.   The entire crowd is screaming: “Get that kid off the stage!  He is ruining the show.”  Steve Martin just begins laughing and that is when the movie turns itself around and life is put back into perspective, just as Kayci did when she jumped into this bounce house.   These are the moments that matter.  Life is going to be hard at times, especially when you have chronic pain.  I will not remember why I had a bad weekend, or the details of my struggle this past weekend.  However, I will never forget my three year old crashing a child’s birthday party.

“We do not remember days, we remember moments.”

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2 thoughts on “Moments to Break the Pain

  1. I think I need a bounce house. I’ve been having one of those “days’ for a couple of weeks now feeling out of sorts and just really anxious (for not good reason). Then yesterday i got some good reason as they found a few things during an endoscopy (double). I know it’s still a good chance that it’s nothing, and I’m sticking to that. I’ve gotten so used to every test coming back with nothing that I was actually surprised when they found anything in those scopes (let alone multiple issues that have to be looked at further). I’m out of school for a few weeks so I should be less stressed, but instead I see my todo list of writing assignments (for my own blog and for other things) and Just get overwhelmed. I went outside today and worked from my hammock for a little while and that helped some, but then as soon as I came inside again it was back. I think I should go outside again… and perhaps rent a bouncy house.

    • We are so alike it scares me at times. Some days and they can string together I am just anxious and pain goes up. I pace around my house looking at everything I have to do, my to do list sits next to my computer and I love to do lists: ocd lol and checking the list off. But the days I am just overwhelmed and Kayci feels that energy I have a mental battle whether should say f it and just go outside and play or go to a park with her etc suck until I get the hell out and do something outside or just outside of my home.
      I recommend the f it attitude when stuck in a moment because, for me usually I can think clearer and actually get something done as opposed to just stressing about what needs to be done.

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