“It’s funny how sometimes all we needed was a line from a song, a quote from a book or movie to realize how we really feel and all we needed was a smile from a friendly stranger, a good cup of tea (or coffee) a walk in the rain, an old song to briefly put us back together before we fall apart all over again.”
There are so many mornings, even now that I awake and my immediate thought is not positive. Does this really mean that I am going to have a terrible bay pain wise or just in general: history has proven no. My first thought in the morning does not predict my day whether it be positive or negative. I have probably seen the quote: “Begin each morning with a positive thought and see how your world changes.” The quote is very sound and true, however it puts a lot of pressure on us and in some ways sets us up for failure. Yesterday, I awoke and my first thought was about physical pain and my second thought was about the nightmare I had, and my third thought was based on fear and worry. Then I got out of bed and exercised and had a pretty great day. At any given part of your day, week, month, year or life you can begin to be happy, grateful, and positive. So many of us wake up with our thoughts directed immediately to our physical pain and/or worries and stress about either the past or future. We begin catastrophizing and over thinking and all of a sudden we feel paralyzed in our bed but worse in our thoughts. Ten years I lived like this with very small ounces of joy or happiness because of chronic pain. Now, it is quite different. I cannot express enough how much distractions and the silliest of things can turn my day around. I love music and movies. There are quotes from movies that I literally use each and every day. Most of them are so beyond random no one has a clue what I am talking about but it makes me smile. My three year old proved to me how often I quote one particular movie: Elf with Will Farrell. We were at the playground and she saw a little boy she plays with once and a while and that goes to our pool. She looked at me and said: “Mommy, I KNOW HIM!” She sounded exactly like Will Farrell in the movie Elf when he sees Santa Clause. She has never seen the movie Elf but clearly I say “I Knowww him” a lot. A couple of days ago it felt like the morning from hell. Tantrums, phone calls, knocks on door, battles with my daughter just to brush her damn teeth, writing was interrupted and when I think of something to write I have to just do it. My heart leaps and I cannot wait to start writing and all the words just pour out. I could feel my agitation, frustration, and physical pain increasing and increasing. I took my daughter and drove to a playground we have never seen. I was beginning to catastrophize even while in my car: after it took ten minutes just to get her in the car seat and buckled. Parents, a little tip: always allot yourself twenty minutes if you have a child in the toddler range because he or she will be slower than a snail and this is a developmental thing, he or she is not trying to annoy you as much as that behavior is annoying. The song “Little Talks” by Monsters of Men came on and within seconds both my three year old and I were singing and the music just like magic brought me happiness, peace, and an awareness to what really matters.
There will be times for many of us but especially those who are in those years where chronic pain has taken over that you do not get out of ved and all thoughts are directed to pain. I am not saying that to be negative: I am being honest about how I lived for ten years. However, your mind is a lot stronger than you body. If you can say: “F it, I am getting up” and put on your favorite movie or get in your car and listen to a song you love, see what happens. Don’t expect a miracle. Expectation is the root of despair: trust me I am still working on that. What difference does it make: you are already miserable, may as well just put on The Hangover, Wedding Crashers, Step Brothers, Planes Trains and Automobiles: you get the idea.
I used to feel guilty (man guilt is so ridiculous) for not watching more “good feeling shows/movies.” I love Ted Talks and I love listening to Carolyn Myss speak and I have the Law of Attraction CD in my car. Oprah has her own network based on many philosophies that radiate with me and cause me to think and empower me. However, sometimes I just want to watch The Hangover for the millionth time and hear a hilarious quote that many would get sick of but makes me laugh. Sometimes I do not want to think about my passions and working on myself. I am not The Buddha nor have I reached a level on consciousness where I have evolved and I admire so many writers and philosophers such as, Eckhart Tolle but I am still a thirty three year old mother who has come a long way but has a lot of work to do on herself. One of the people I have admired for about ten years and who I would love to be more like said to me this week something I will not forget. She said: “I am so lucky to know you. I knew when I first met with you, you had this light that would come out at some point. You remind me a lot of myself.” This woman is truly an angel and someone I look up to more than I have ever looked up to anyone. She is the one person I truly trust as she always tells me how it is and knows me way too well to ever bullshit her. That was one of the best compliments I have ever received. Maybe I do not see what she sees, yet. However, I believe her: she has seen me at my rock bottom and has never steered me wrong.
We are all works in progress but please do one little thing to help yourself: just for you. In those moments when your mind cannot stop thinking about pain try to get up put on a song, go for a walk, watch a movie that you love or even a reality TV show. Just get out of your mind.
Have a great Saturday!
Name this movie and I apologize for the language.
“I married a whore!”
“How dare you, she’s a nice lady.”