“Some people die at the age of twenty five but are not buried until age seventy five.”
This is a very powerful quote once you truly read it and if you are like me, it will stick with you throughout the day. Some people die at the age of twenty five (just go through the motions of survival despite the life and joy they could have) but are not buried (and most likely pre-death are filled with regrets) until age sevetny five. This is huge. My focus is to save those who are close to suicide due to an invisible illness, and help people with chronic pain live a fulfilling life as opposed to merely surviving. However, this quote applies to each and every person with or without pain as most of us are merely surviving and sadly many of us pass with too many should-have, would have, could have thoughts racing through their minds. Are you living or survivng? Honestly, think about this question and because we should all be living: there are times that we must be in survival mode however it should not be forever.
One would think brain surgery would have been my biggest event that I was forced to be in “survival mode.” That was honestly a piece of cake (not for my loved ones) compared to my years of “survivng” chronic pain. I was not living: not alive one tiny bit. I was going through the motions in complete dispair, depression, confusion, anger, and guilt. I enjoyed nothing. The only time I thought I was “living” was when I was drinking with friends and did not feel that physcial, non stop, horrible, sharp, annoying, pain. Drinking to numb the pain is not something I am ashamed of: I would have done anything at certain points during those ten years on my search to find a cure to chronic pain. I died at age sixteen and remained dead for many years to come. I am very lucky that I have yet to be buried and can say that I am alive. I am living. I am living a life that I am proud of despite chronic pain. I love myself and there have been times, even this time last year where I hated myself and there is no worse pain than hating yourself. Life is not always easy but I’m alive. I no longer just survive. My light is coming through and I plan to live for a very long time. I plan to be happy and follow my dreams despite chronic pain. I love having a family, being a mother, would love more children, and would love to see all my work and writings become something magnificant. I want to help as many people who have chronic pain as possible and will do anything for that to happen. I never want one more person to take their own life because of chronic pain. I want to show peole that you do not just have to survive you can truly live a great life with chronic pain. I know, I never would have believed it either.
Life can change in a second. My journey with chronic pain happened in one split second. Who knew riding my bicycle, carrying a plastic bag would alter my life forever? None of us should just survive, there is just too much to live for.