“What you feel NOW, IS what you’re going to ATTRACT!!”
Years ago after accepting chronic pain and learning new ways to manage it without medications, I was allotted a lot more time in my life to learn lessons, read books, and practice different techniques to manage my pain body and mind in order to cope with chronic pain and anxiety. The Mayo Clinic Pain Rehab Center is just the beginning. Yes, it is an intensive three to four week program that is about eight hours a day. They teach you the umbrella tools to use in order to manage pain instead of pain managing you. However, a month is not a long time in the grand scheme of life especially a life with chronic pain. I thought the scariest part about the Pain Rehab Center was entering but in fact it was leaving that was more frightening. I was one hundred percent against the philosophy of accepting chronic pain and learning to live with it. I kicked, cried, and screamed that I was not going anywhere that did not have a big sign that read: “CURE TO CHRONIC PAIN FOUND HERE.” Thank God, I usually take the advice of my dad (and sometimes grateful I don’t, haha.) He always says: “You cannot lose what you don’t have.” And there was no more of an appropriate time to say this then the day I was asked to enter the Pain Center. I was at rock bottom, ten years had been lost searching for a cure, I was lost, I was in more physical and emotional pain than ever and I thankfully took his advice. The four weeks I spent in Minnesota were probably the most educational, life changing weeks of my life. Honestly, even now if someone asked if I wanted to do it again I would say yes. The day I was discharged was scary. I was about to drive back to the real world where I knew no one with chronic pain and had to do this pain management program on my own. I made such close relationships there that I did not want to lose. Anyone with any illness knows the impact of being around people who are struggling with the same disease. It is as if you can breathe because you no longer feel alone, someone gets it. We never bitched about our pain and in fact there were many people whom I did not know where their pain originated from or what their diagnosis was. It did not matter because pain is pain. The focus was to try and stop the catastrophic thoughts of chronic pain and learn new ways of living: clearly ten years of complaining about pain and not accepting it had not worked. Which brings me to the Law of Attraction.
Years after practicing managing chronic pain naturally, I came across Abraham Hicks and the Law of Attraction: I still listen to one of his CD’s in my car at times. Oddly, until recently I never thought about chronic pain and the law of attraction. I practiced the concept of LOA regarding relationships, dreams, and my wants and desires and still try to do so (to be clear I need to work on this more.) The Law of Attraction makes perfect sense: it is so simple and yet so difficult at the same time. Listen to people around you and what they are talking about, it is often complaints. Women get together and complain about their relationships, moms stand outside schools complaining about their children, co-workers spend time together bitching about their jobs: we are a society that is used to complaining. What the law of attraction says and I believe to be true is that the more we complain about something, the more we allow what we are complaining about to be a part of our lives. If one complains about their spouse every day, he or she is going to get more of what they are complaining about. However, if one declares what he or she wants from their spouse the Universe becomes more aligned with what we do want and over time those relationships change. The basic concept of the Law of Attraction is to focus on what you want instead of what you do not want. If you are constantly feeling angry, the Universe will only bring you more anger. If you are always feeling helpless or are focused on any lack in your life such as money, the Universe will keep you feeling helpless and your wallet will stay empty. And if you are constantly thinking, talking, complaining, focusing on pain: your pain will increase and will absolutely dominate your existence. I am not sure why it took until recently to correlate the two. Perhaps, because I really have trained my brain to not think about pain that having read many books on the Law of Attraction I never put the two together because I was not focusing on pain. Well, now I am: thanks. Kidding.
I turn thirty four tomorrow and this past year has taught me a lot. I truly have made a huge shift within myself that I did not think was possible. I am stronger, wiser, and no longer need (as much) the approval of the one’s I love I order to feel good about myself. But, I’m human and shit happens. Yesterday was exactly like the book: “Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day.” I began feeling sorry for myself and bad about myself for things out of my control. My thoughts spun out of control regarding finances, motherhood, life in general, and as much as I tried I kept feeling a sense of lack and sadness. There are outside forces that caused me to feel sadness and that is okay but I allowed it to take over me. Every hour got worse and by nighttime I was a crying mess. I am not against crying: crying all day and night is a problem (I know, spent ten years doing so) but you have to get it out and I would rather let it out with tears than with words. Crying is not weakness. Salt water cures a lot: the ocean and tears are two of the most healing things I find in my life.
I am going to work very hard on focusing on what I do want today. I was about to write for the next year but one day at a time. My last day as a young thirty three year old: this is a good goal. I always say: “Act the way you want to feel.” Oddly, it usually works. I believe acting the way you want to feel is a good explanation of the Law of Attraction.