“There is no such thing as chance in our incredible Universe. The coincidences and synchronicities are carefully orchestrated by your guides and angels–so recognize them as the hand in spirit. Rejoice when you notice them because they are the angel’s message to you that you are on the right path. Start to expect them and look for them. Be aware that there is a divine reason behind them and consider what the message or lesson is. Synchronicity is also a reminder to you that all things happen in divine timing.”
I am not sure that everything happens for a reason. I do not know why awful things happen to such great people. I do not know what happens when we pass nor do I practice a certain religion. There are many things I question that certain people belive with all their heart to be true. However, as I get older and hopefully wiser I do see that there is a force much greater than any of us and I am not sure I believe in coincidences as I once did. I am not sure I believe in chance. I do believe in empathy, love, and a higher power and if that could be my religion that is what I would choose. I received an email yesterday from a woman whom beat cancer but has been living with chronic pain since her diagnosis and treatments that help beat her cancer. Talk about strength! I hear this a lot from people who know me personally to people who read my writings: “I cannot imagine having chronic pain at such a young age” or “I cannot imagine having young children and dealing with chronic pain.” I will not always say this, especially on difficult days but I do not mind having chronic pain and I do believe I fell off my bike that early June day on my way home from a video store. Who would I be had I not fallen, had I not had brain surgery, had I not lived a life with chronic pain? Certainly not the person I am today. I have written this many times but brain surgery was cake compared to my darkest years of living with chronic pain when I was searching for a cure. Brain surgery came close to ending my life but sadly I belive chronic pain came closer. So, why I am writing I believe it all happened for a reason? I could have been wearing a helmet or I could have chosen a different route: so many could haves and should haves. I am far from perfect and even after accepting chronic pain and living a life I am proud of, I make mistakes. With that said, because of my life with chronic pain I have a better understanding of empathy, a zest for life so many of lose as we age, and I do believe I am a better mother and person because of my struggles. I used to always say: “Why me? Why do I have to be in pain every single day of my life? What did I ever do to deserve this?” Why not me? I am who I am because of my bike accident and I am not sure I would change the events of that day: I know how crazy that may sound and possibly unfair for those who had to put with my terrible actions for those long ten years of searching for a cure but I do feel I am helping people and I know I am helping myself and raising a family that I am so blessed to have.
When my grandmother passed I had a lot of pent of emotions, regrets, and feelings of total loss but it has been a couple of years since her passing and I know she is still with me. She, my La La has taught me there is no such thing as a coincidence. She has also taught me that angels do exist and I believe she is proud of me. I cannot explain how I know she is with me at times but some things one cannot explain and some of the things that one cannot explain are the most magnificent things a person can feel. It is energy in its purest form: positive, safe, uplifting energy that only something unexplainable could bring. My three-year old and I were in a tiny toy store a few days ago and if you know me personally, you know I talk a lot. I have no idea how the sales woman and I began talking about our Disney trip this summer or how the conversation led up to La La and my favorite memory of Disney World being the ride ‘Its a Small World’ as she and I went on that ride together over and over again and I loved it. However, as we were discussing how much Kayci loved the ride as well the song: ‘Its a Small World’ came on. Kayci was playing with a wind up toy that played the song and mimicked the ride. Yes, I bought the toy: how could I not? It is a comforting feeling to know none of us are ever alone and if we are able to calm our minds and believe everything works out and one day what looks like a curse becomes a blessing, we can all see the light in our tunnel not just at the end of the tunnel.
Please try to take one day at a time and know you are not alone. Just have faith that all of your troubles will make sense one day. I cannot tell you how but I can tell you the more you believe, the more you will receive.