Anger, Miracles, Positive Energy, Support for Chronic Pain

Miracles from an Invisible Illness

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“The whole world is a series of miracles, but we’re so used to seeing them that we call them ordinary things.”

Hans Christian Anderson

What was your first thought when you opened your eyes this morning?  What was your first emotion?  For many of us our first thought was sadly about pain and our dominant feeling was based on fear.  We are either dreading the day as it is just another day filled with physical pain or we are in rush mode and our mind is so filled with thoughts of the future we become overwhelmed before our feet have even touched the floor.  I get some negative feedback when I write a post about blessings derived from chronic pain and I totally understand where certain readers are coming from.  I apologize for being repetitive but if I read this blog about managing pain naturally ten plus years ago, I probably would write the same things people write me.  In hindsight, I was way too focused on pain to even read much less give any thought to accepting chronic pain and ending my search for a cure.  Now I am in my mid thirties and having accepted chronic pain and living a life happy despite pain, I can see the blessings that came from my accident and the above quote written by the famous, Hans Christian Anderson is one of my blessings from living a life with chronic pain.  I am human and although I feel more empowered, wise, and enlightened than I did a many years ago: I have good days and bad days but I do see miracles in the simplest of things many of us without a disease take for granted.   It was not my bike accident that resulted in brain surgery that gave me a zest for life, it was chronic pain.  One would think coming close to death after falling off of a bicycle would be enough to appreciate every moment of life as that fall came close to taking my life but it was not the fall, it was the journey of accepting chronic pain and learning how to live a healthy, happy life in spite of pain.

I am a very enthusiastic person and at times can be too much to handle.  I type that with a smile thinking of the people closest to me in life who call me crazy and/or a handful.  I get really excited over the littlest things and both kids and adults call me a big kid.  Part of me does enjoy being with children more than being with adults.  I love to play and laugh and being around kids brings me such joy and positive energy because they are light and are filled with that zest for life most of us lose as we get older.  People may call me immature at times and in their eyes this may be true but one could also say I am wise and my inner child is fully alive and being so enthusiastic and outgoing are two things that will guide me through a happy life.  My daughter who is three has taught me so much about miracles.  She herself is a miracle and although she pushes my buttons like no one else, she is the most loving, appreciative, enthusiastic, funny persons I have ever met.  From the day she was born she was a miracle.  I had a miscarriage that resulted in a DNC February 2nd 2011, one of the hardest days in my adult life.  After the doctor finished the procedure and I awoke she said: “the next time I see you will be for a happy reason” I said something not so nice as I just wanted to curl up and die with the little piece of life that had been taken out of my body.I spent the following days on my couch crying, eating, and watching old re-runs of Beverly Hills 90210.  We later found out we would have had a son had I not miscarried.  Following my week of self pity, pizza, and Luke Perry I began my journey to self love and began working on managing chronic pain naturally again as the DNC brought my thoughts directly back to physical and emotional pain.  Kayci was born February 2nd, 2012: exactly a year to the day I had the DNC and lost the son we never met.  We now say Kayci’s older brother was looking our for her.  If I had not miscarried on February 2nd, 2011, the world would not have the person that lights up a room and brings happiness to more people than I can count we named Kayci.  She was a miracle and in a way it is as if she knows it.  Of course I am bias, this is my daughter and the bond we have is something I could never explain but she sees miracles in everything and in turn I now see them too.  Just a few days ago we were in a Verizon store for almost three hours because my phone broke and they were transferring information onto my new phone.  Most toddlers would have been whining and crying to leave but Kayci just danced.  The store has up beat music playing on the speakers they sell and Kayci turned the store into a dance club.  The negative energy in that store changed the second Kayci entered and began her dance party.  One older woman even began dancing with Kayci and I thought to myself: now this is a miracle.

I spent more than a third of my life in misery, searching and praying for any relief to chronic pain.  I thought about death more times than I can even explain and saw no future or life for myself because of pain.  I still have some difficult days and/or hours but I have an appreciation for life just as a child has an appreciation for Christmas and the magic of Santa.   I am a work in progress as we all are but no matter where you are on your personal journey with chronic pain I do believe many, if not most of you will one day see the blessings that come with our disease.

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