“Every relationship that you have is REFLECTING back to you the relationship you’ve accomplished between YOU and your INNER-BEING. People LIKE you EXACTLY as much as YOU like YOU.”
I have read and re-read the above quote about twenty times and have (per usual) read too much into it. I agree with the above quote and will explain why in just a few sentences. However, I know many of you (myself included) are reading the last line: “People like you exactly as much as you like you” and you are thinking this is just not true for there are some people who just do not like me no matter how much I love myself. I agree one hundred percent for there are those who are not a huge fan of me due to whatever reasons : not everyone is always going to like you no matter how much you love yourself. Everyone is fighting their own demons and quite frankly even when my level of self-love is at its highest there are few people I just do not like to be around.
With that said, I must admit this is one of my all time favorite quotes ever written, especially by Abraham Hicks. Chronic pain caused me to literally hate myself to the point where I wanted to die. I truly believed the world would be a better place without my burden and my invisible illness. Not only that, I hated life: my life was pain. Pain consumed every thought, word, and action. Self hate is the darkest hate I have ever found. Self hate causes more pain to others than anything else. This is my opinion of course but in my personal life the changes in my relationships have a dramatic switch pending on whether I am practicing self-love or self-hate. When I learned to manage pain naturally and ended my search for a cure, I slowly began to love myself and I was proud of the true Jessica. All of a sudden my closest relationships changed. Arguments lessened, people wanted to be around me more, I grew closer and closer to my family. This is not a coincidence. All of the positive changes in my relationships were/are a direct reflection of how I feel about myself. I agree that it is close to impossible to find love with another being if you do not love yourself. No offense, but look at the divorce rate in our country. I just do not see many people who truly love themselves and feel good about who they are inside. This has nothing to do with money or status: it is a feeling inside that no amount of money or luxuries can buy. Some of the happiest people I know are below middle class and some of the saddest people I know have more money than they know what to do with. We seem to be looking outside our own souls for love and happiness : this happiness and ‘self love’ will be short-lived, I promise you that. Remember as a young teen buying your favorite pair of jeans that actually fit and you were so excited to wear them to school? The whole day was great. I do not know about you but as a teenager finding jeans or any clothes that fit was close to impossible. So, you wear your new outfit a few times and just like any object you forget how special and happy those clothes made you and you are back at square one. Does this mean to be happy and find ‘self love’ one must buy new clothes each month? If that is the case I’m screwed because I do not like shopping and the money I have rarely/if ever goes to clothes.
We can over think the above quote for a long time but after I did over think it, I realized how simple Abraham’s quote is to understand. Without self-love and compassion for one’s self, relationships will reflect the anger and hatred you have towards yourself. You have no idea how awful I was to those I loved back when I was fighting pain. I did not know how to love another or be the true me because I hated life and was angry at every person who did not have chronic pain. That anger and self-hatred almost killed me and I am still on the journey of finding self-love. There are times when I question myself or someone says something about me or is cruel and I begin to believe what other’s think of me whether their opinions are true or un-true. Self-love is a process and my first step in finding self-love was accepting chronic pain and finding healthy ways to manage the pain without hating myself.