Anger, Brain Surgery, Change, chronic pain

Anger and Chronic Pain

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“The less you talk, the more people think about your words.”

Hi, my name is Jessica and I have a totally Type A personality, I can either talk endlessly to the point of annoyance to some or the opposite when I like silence.  I have chronic pain and used to talk about pain every second I could to my dad and very close friends.  I no longer talk about pain unless the pain is acute (aka has nothing to do with my chronic pain) but I am still that girl who talks and talks and talks.  My dad and husband love that about me: NOT.  Not going into gender stereotypes but in my experience the most important men in my life stop listening to me after a few minutes as I can be repetitive and if super excited about something will talk and talk and talk because my enthusiasm can be way over the top (I like that about me: enthusiasm) or if I am angry or upset about something will talk and talk and talk: definition of insanity.  Thank God for my girlfriends who love to talk as well, just saying. However, the above quote is so true.  Even in my own experience, at times when a person I care about is talking I start thinking about my response to his or her phrase instead of truly hearing them.  We all do that way too often.  LISTEN AND SILENT have the same letters just put in different spots: coincidence?  It as like when I receive an email from a reader or a message on my blog: one thing that I write always stands out.  Readers will not remember my random anecdotes and half of what I write but there will be that one sentence that stands out and sticks, hopefully it is a healthy sentence or idea.  Whatever helps.

The cycle of chronic pain can be a vicious one that can be spun out of control.  Stress, anger, and fighting cause increased pain, more insomnia, increased pain, anxiety, and eventually you find yourself unable to function because you made a choice (I apologize but we all do have a choice how we react to another person during an argument; I get hurt easily and feel emotional pain easily so I do not always make the right choice because I want things good/fixed now.)  I do not always make the correct choice and I argue back, talk too much, cry endlessly and over think everything until I stay up all night thinking/crying/and worrying to the point of puffy eyes and you guessed it a very high pain day the following day.  I am better at this now but practice does not make perfection, practice makes permanence.  It is something I am working on.  Therefore when an argument or stress is coming on from someone I care for, I need to take a breath and think before anything comes out of my mouth.  If I am going to say anything (and sometimes nothing needs to be said as it is sometimes better to be at peace than be right) I want that something to be meaningful and precise.  Anger is awful.  When upset with someone you are first angry with he or she but end up being angry at yourself for your reaction and taking the focus away from your health, management of chronic pain and peace.   There are some things people with chronic pain have to work on a lot more than those without this invisible illness.  This is a great thing and a really shitty thing at times.  We grow wiser at times because we need to learn certain lessons others do not in order to manage our invisible illness.

Think about the above quote today: the less you talk, the more people think about your words.

Aha moment

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