“You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.”
-Glinda (The Good Witch) Wizard of Oz
I believe we all have that one person we look up to more than we look up to anyone else. Sometimes this person is a parent, a sibling, or someone we met by “accident.” There is one person in my life who has seen me at my lowest of lows, especially in my journey with chronic pain and has seen me transform into the person I am today: a person who has accepted chronic pain, manages pain naturally and is slowly making her dreams a reality but still has a long way to go in this journey we call life. I can tell this person anything and she probably knows more about me than anyone else in the world; she is my Angel on Earth. When I had a miscarriage two plus years ago I had an epiphany so to speak. Although I went six plus years managing pain naturally and living a very happy, healthy life despite pain I went back on pain medication against my better judgement because life got really hard and my pain levels felt intolerable and I made my mind believe that I would be a better mother to my one year old, Kayci if I had something to ease the severity of my chronic pain. I have written this before but for someone who has had brain surgery and multiple surgeries after getting pain medication from a doctor is more than easy and many times encouraged as chronic pain is a very difficult illness for doctors to treat because it is invisible most of the time narcotics such as Percocet often lead to much heavier drugs. If you have chronic pain one Percocet a day will work for maybe a week: tops; within a month a person will need at least three pills a day to get the same affect and the cycle continues. And, that is what happened to me for over a year a so. My miscarriage was not caused by pain medication but the miscarriage brought me to a level of sadness that brought me to a state of self-hatred, something I had not felt for years because I was managing pain so well without medications or treatments. The thought of taking my one year old to another doctor’s appointment for chronic pain made me sick, literally. I thought about everything my Angel on Earth had taught me or forced me to teach myself and called my pain management doctors and cancelled all upcoming appointments. I then took my now three year old on a walk to the Health Food store to buy myself a Kombucha and returned home to make my first vision/inspiration board. The first person I called was my Angel on Earth and after I told her about my miscarriage, I told her about my choice to begin managing pain naturally again and start loving myself. I do not remember what she said but it was almost as if she knew I would end up taking the right road in how I manage pain but knew I had to do it on my own. I saw the quote Glinda the Good Witch says to Dorothy in the movie: ‘The Wizard of Oz’: “You’ve always had the power my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself” and nothing I have read or seen since reminds me more of my personal Angel .
I saw this person yesterday and we were talking and talking and talking and once it was time for me to go and pick my daughter up, she said to me: “I’ve missed you so much. I have wanted to text you so badly but did not want to bother you or be a pain.” WHAT??? I did/do the work on myself to manage chronic pain and live a happy life despite this illness but she clearly has/had no idea the power/impact/and admiration I have for her. I looked at this person whom is more wise than anyone I have ever met and said: “You are like a mother to me. Getting a text/phone call/email from you is everything to me. How could you ever be a bother!?” It made me realize that we really need to let the people we love and cherish know how much they mean to us. I assumed she just knew but she did not. My eyes fill up with the love and gratitude I have for this person. Do any of us see what we do for others and what they mean to us? We need to start letting people know because we seem to be ignorant to the love and admiration we have for different people who enter our lives. Later that day, I got mild bad news: nothing major and in the end could be the greatest news but I was a little down and our for an hour until I realized the joys and gifts that are coming my way. Around five in the evening I received a thank you card from a person I least expected a card from and it brought me to tears because I had no idea how much this person appreciated me. She also gave me a small gift but it was her words that filled me with light and joy. It made me realize that no matter where we are in life in our journey with chronic pain, we must take the time to let the people who stand by us and support us know how grateful we are for them. We all just want to be recognized and appreciated. Kindness and love are free and are two of the greatest gifts you will ever give anyone, including yourself.