“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.”
Elizabeth Kahler Ross
Please read this exquisite quote again and again and again. My two favorite words in the world are mommy and beautiful. Most of you know my all time dream since I was a little girl was to have a family and children. I believed for most of my life following my accident that chronic pain stole my biggest dream being called: “mommy.” Now, I hear the word ‘mommy’ probably one hundred times a day as my three-year old is quite repetitive if I do not answer or do what she NEEDS to be done right away. The word ‘mommy’ at times can be quite annoying but it is still one of my two favorite words in the entire world and I cannot wait for another person to call me: ‘mommy.’ My second favorite word is: ‘beautiful.’ And I am not trying to get on soap box regarding motherhood but Kayci, my three-year old is the person who truly taught me what the word beautiful meant as I used to think beauty was a lot more skin deep than it is. The word ‘beautiful’ is both an adjective and verb in the book of Jessica. Last year right about this time, following Thanksgiving Kayci saw a Christmas tree that was filled with lights and ornaments and truly was a fantastic looking tree but to Kayci it was magic. She was not the talker she is now and was still learning most words. She stood in front of this Christmas tree for five to ten seconds in awe and than looked at me and said: “That is so beautiful mommy.” I do not know if it was the way she said it or the look in her eyes but it was a moment I will never forget and a moment that changed my view of the word beautiful forever.
There is a movie with Jim Carrey called: Liar Liar in which Carrey plays a lawyer whom lies non stop and is so obsessed with money and status that he neglects his wife and son. On his son’s fifth birthday he makes a wish that his dad (Carrey) cannot tell a lie for one whole day. There is a scene in which Carrey is sitting with his son on the playground outside his son’s school and Carrey is begging his child to un-do the wish or he will lose his case in the lawsuit he is representing. I cannot remember the exact conversation the father and son are having but the boy says to his dad (whom cannot lie): “My teacher says beauty comes from the inside.” Carrey quickly replies: “That’s just something ugly people say son.” Yes, a terrible line but nonetheless one my dad and I both find un-true yet hilarious and quote quite often. That is just one silly example showing how society views the word ‘beautiful.’ Yesterday, pre eating my face off, I made our Christmas cards and picked a picture that is not the ‘prettiest’ or the ‘cutest’ picture of my husband, daughter, and I but is the most beautiful in my eyes because it was a picture where the three of us were truly happy and at peace. It was taken this past summer in Florida on a boat and no I do not look my best and do not even think I had time to shower that day but I was filled with happiness, peace, and gratitude for my family and our time away together. To me, that picture is more beautiful than all the pictures we have where I had my hair ironed straight, Kayci dressed in her favorite fancy pants clothes, and my husband in his suit.
If you are reading this blog, you most likely have chronic pain or some form of an invisible illness. You cannot see it now but this struggle and pain, both physical and emotional is going to turn you into pure beauty and light. I know most of you think I am nuts but please remember I am the girl who came way too close to suicide because of my battle with chronic pain and still have this invisible illness but have found a way to be happy and beautiful despite it. You will get here as well or you would not be reading my blog. I just told someone a few days ago that if someone sent me an expert from a blog ten years ago that was based on managing pain naturally and living a happy life with chronic pain I would have pressed delete faster than I could even read the title of the post. You are must further along in this process than you believe and you are beautiful because of your strength, courage, wisdom, and sensitivity.