“People need to be encouraged. People need to be reminded of how wonderful they are. People need to be believed in–told that they are brave and smart and capable of accomplishing all the dreams they dream and more. Remind each other of this.”
Unknown Yet Known
People in general really do not need a lot from other’s to feel worthy and loved. What people need is quite simple to be honest: to be recognized, encouraged, and believed in. We complicate the process of trying to figure out what our loved ones (chronic pain or no chronic pain) need from us and start buying gifts, reading books on how to show love, over-thinking what we could do better or should be doing better to love another: STOP. I do not care what people say, money does not buy love but words, encouragement, and belief do. I forget who said this but it is so beyond true: “People will forget what you bought them. People will forget what you did for them. But people will never forget how you made them feel.”
I preach the three following words so often on here but the three most important words you can tell a loved one with an invisible illness is: “I BELIEVE YOU.” Again, I am being repetitive but one cannot see air and yet we breathe, one cannot see their higher being and yet they pray, one has no idea what heaven looks like and yet they do what they believe they should in order to get there when they pass. The most incredible things in the world cannot be seen nor heard: they are just there. Chronic pain is usually invisible but nobody makes up being in pain. You are a loved one and have no idea what chronic pain feels like and you may not have the answers and most likely cannot cure your loved one aka you cannot cure him or her, I’m sorry. However, you can give them what they most need: love, belief, encouragement, and daily reminders of how loved they are. I promise you this will help your loved one more than any procedure, medication or treatment. When I first started managing chronic pain naturally and accepted it into my life instead of fighting it, I was actually given ‘flowers for chronic pain.’ The people I love were so proud of me and could not believe the work I put into managing this disease without a cure or medication. Years go by and people forget: invisible is a very hard word. Of course people forget: I do not talk about chronic pain, I look healthy on the outside and I am following all the dreams I set out for myself but I still fight every day. I still have chronic pain and even those of us who are at great points in their journey with chronic pain need to be encouraged and reminded of how proud their loved ones are of them. Words are a funny thing and the most powerful of all thing in my opinion. Some words can hurt you to the core and are never forgotten while others bring you such peace and almost a sigh of relief like: “Ah, I am not forgotten. I am loved and the people I love most still know how hard I am fighting and believe in me.”
Everyone needs/wants encouragement from the people they love the most. Everyone wants to be believed in. Yes, most importantly you must love yourself and believe in yourself but I do believe we all still need that to some degree from our loved ones. Anyone who has gone through any fertility issues (which is so beyond common, it is crazy) knows that the worst possible thing to say is: “Maybe kids just were not in the cards for you” or “One and done, just be happy with what you have.” When a person says something like that it is as if they are crushing your dreams and do not believe in you and oddly feels just like it does when a person does not believe your invisible illness. Today is my final procedure where they put two healthy embryos back into me and we wait to see those pink lines: one or two? I have total faith that my IVF process worked and I will be pregnant this month but you know what? If I am not I try again. I do not give up on my dreams and just like chronic pain all I want personally is to be believed in. That is what we all want. My two dreams: family with children and to make writing/helping people with chronic pain my career. I believe in myself or I would not continue writing nor fertility. We all have different dreams and I may not understand your dream and you may not understand mine. If someone told me all they ever wanted to be when they grew up was to be a lawyer I would not understand this dream at all as it is far from one of my passions but I would believe in them.
John Lennon said: All You Need Is Love. He is absolutely right but with love comes belief, encouragement, and support.