“I don’t suppose that if we couldn’t laugh at things that don’t make sense, we couldn’t react to a lot of life.”
Calvin and Hobbes
This past Christmas was one of the best holidays I have ever had. It was magical because of my daughter, simple yet filled with more gifts than I can ever imagine seeing (Santa!) and the warmest Christmas in NJ ever to be had: we set a record of seventy four degrees! Our family wore t-shirts and shorts and the playgrounds were packed with children playing after spending a morning (extremely early morning in our home) un-wrapping gifts, playing, dancing and eating. I will never forget the look in Kayci’s eyes when she first entered our living room which had been turned into what looked like a scene from just movies she has seen. She is three years of age and this is the first year she truly got Christmas and I am a holiday nut case so we have been awaiting the arrival of Santa Claus since October. She was so over-whelmed when she saw the gifts, the letter from Santa, the eaten cookies and carrots that she ran away crying. She returned seconds later holding yogurt and opened her first gift. She is truly the mini version of myself as she says the oddest things, loves the same things, and does the most random acts like running into the kitchen at five am to grab a yogurt, crying because she was so excited. My dad got her a wagon: and he is very proud of this wagon: Radio Flyer with big wheels, can fit two kids, and his amazing girlfriend who is an artist painted it with Kayci’s name on it. Granted my dad whom is the most amazing, generous, loving person I know put the wagon together wrong so no one can really see the name Kayci because it is backwards. He is great at everything but anything to do with fixing or building things: he used to joke that if my car made a noise I should just turn the radio up. Sadly, being gullible Jessica I took his advice as a young teenager. I no longer do that: lesson learned.
After we made breakfast, we loaded the wagon with blankets and the four of us walked around the lake as Kayci chilled out in her wagon with a few of her new gifts. It looked and felt like springtime. People were jogging, walking, playing outside, and the playground was crowded with children getting out energy and playing with their new toys. All people kept saying was: “I cannot believe it is this warm on Christmas! This isn’t right.” Clearly, it was odd as I have never not been freezing on Christmas but I definitely was not complaining. You cannot change the weather so you may as well enjoy it! We may never be playing at the playground in shorts on Christmas again. The last thing I wanted to do was complain about the temperature or talk about Global Warming: it was Christmas! Can we not take one day off of thinking and complaining? No, I do not understand why it is so warm but I did enjoy it nonetheless and laughed at the madness and joy and confusion of Christmas.
So much in life does not make sense to the point that we have become a society that overthinks, over-achieves, worries about everything, and has forgotten how to truly live. I have no idea why I of all the people I know fell off my bike when all I wanted to do was get home and watch my movie I had just rented. I have no idea why I had to have brain surgery and with that surgery a lifetime of chronic pain. I have no idea why I have had miscarried so many times or why someone as healthy as I am is having IVF in two weeks for the second time. I do not know why terrible things happen every second of every day to great people. I do not know why I was blessed with the dad I have or my family that I helped create. I don’t know why the hell its going to be seventy degrees today and it is almost January. Nothing ever seems to make sense or turn out how we plan and think our lives will be so sometimes we have to laugh at the madness and find a way to turn our troubles and pain into something meaningful. Overthinking everything gets exhausting! Laugh today, find something to laugh about and I know I preach this a lot but I am also reminding myself of things when I write: trust the process of the cards and life you are given. Everything changes and nothing stays the same. One day you are going to look back and think (myself included) : “Why did I worry so much about the future or expend my days over thinking the things I have no control over?! What a waste because everything worked out just as it should have and I lost so many years in my worries.”
Thank you to everyone who reached out wishing me their thoughts, prayers, and happy holiday wishes. And I truly want to thank Diane who not only reads every post I write but shares each and everyone with as many people as she can: that means the world to me!