“The Best is Yet to Come!”
I promise you that at 12:17am today, Sunday January 3rd the above quote would have made me cry. Last night proved so many things to me and taught me that I am very much still in the process of practicing everything I preach. They (whomever ‘they’ are) always say things happen in threes: deaths, births, etc. This saying is not very true in my life. However, the saying: ‘When it rains, it pours’ is pretty much how things happen in my life: everything is going well and I feel great about my life despite chronic pain and the hell of fertility and then BOOM, CRASH everything that I believe could go wrong does and out of no where. I had my final bloods and ultrasound taken yesterday in preparation for my IVF procedure, which was supposed to be this Monday, tomorrow to be precise. I was nervous at first because with the IVF process one does not have much say, if any on when the procedure takes place and plans must change instantly: whether they be work related, child care, etc etc. I was happy because I made it! No more stimulating hormones causing my body to feel like a hen house. My three year old thinks I just wake up larger by the day and it is quite impossible to explain fertility to a toddler despite her intelligence. I was happy because everything fell into place: this is round two and I have everything ready, know what to expect, have been taking higher doses of hormones because if not pregnant (fifty fifty shot each round) I can freeze the embryos and never have to be on this amount of stimulating drugs that not only hurt me physically but mentally and emotionally as well. I do not like Jessica on drugs. My family deserves the real me and my daughter needs her mom healthy. Not to mention, I already am managing chronic pain on a daily basis: enough is enough.
I was excited: I set my alarm for 12:15 am which is the time I give myself what is called an HCG trigger shot that one must do thirty-six hours prior to removing the hen house which is now occupying my stomach. Without this trigger shot as they call it, IVF will not happen. It is the most important step in the process of IVF. I walked into the kitchen, got the needle out and ready and then realized the pharmacy had given me the wrong drug: it was not the HCG trigger shot that had to be taken in order to proceed with IVF in a day. I texted a good friend whom happens to work at my fertility doctor’s office and she confirmed that I was not given what I had to have to proceed. I broke down. I didn’t even cry, it was as if I was in a state of shock: a state of shock that woke me up like nothing else. Three to four needles a day/pain/emotional ups and downs/spending countless hours at my fertility doctor’s offices getting blood work done and ultrasounds, giving up exercise, feeling like I have had the flu since Christmas all for nothing. My heart raced and raced and there was nothing anyone could do to calm my mind down. I could not even think that this could possibly work out. I talked to the on-call doctor and even she was concerned because today is Sunday and fertility pharmacies are not open. Not to mention, I was pretty sure I missed my window of time for the procedure to take place. I laid in bed frozen. I was in such a state of fear and depression I could not move and the only reason I got out of bed was because my daughter needed me. I prayed to my own higher being for a miracle and I am not sure what I did to deserve the miracle I received but it sure did come.
I was able to get the trigger shot I needed and it was not from a fertility pharmacy as they are all closed on Sundays: it was from someone out there who donated her un-used medication just this week as she had a baby and one of the things she donated was the exact shot I needed. One of the kindest, most generous persons I know who works for my doctor let me know about this one remaining, donated drug that if I do not take today, IVF is cancelled and I found a way with the help of the best staff in the world to pick up this medication despite the fact that the office was closed today. Someone was kind enough to unlock the doors and leave me my golden ticket. Everything worked out and I think I am still shocked at these amazing turn of events. I get to set my alarm again tonight for 12 15am and take the right medication and have my IVF procedure Tuesday morning. I know for most of you this may not seem like much but it really is a miracle for me. I have more gratitude for someone I will call G than I have for most anybody. I called her crying with genuine tears of thanks and I am not sure what I did to deserve certain people that have come into my life but I know I have to pay it forward and remember that things do have a way of working out.
Perhaps, all the work I have been putting into my journey of life and expecting great things to come is paying off. I was a pessimistic, sad girl last night frozen in fear with hope draining out of my pores but it still worked out. I am filled with a sense of gratitude today and am just amazed how life can just turn around within hours. We just cannot ever give up.
This post is dedicated to the person who has stood by me through a very hard time and has expected nothing in return. Another angel in my life that deserves so much for what she has done for me and countless others. Wherever you are in your journey with any problem, try and take one minute to thank the person who is there for you through thick and thin.