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“You have Got to be KIDDING ME!”

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“Never give up.  No matter how much ‘you gotta be friggin kidding me’ life throws at you.” Unknown

I love this quote!  People say things happen in threes, well in my case and from what my readers tell me, things happen in fours, fives, sixes and so on.  Like the saying goes: “When it rains it pours.”  In the past two weeks I have had a LOT of moments where I do say, sometimes through tears: “You have got to be freaking kidding me!”  When things do not go my way or in the way I have planned, I go into what I call fear mode.  I have to fix whatever has gone wrong right away or it is almost as if I cannot breathe.  My focus is on fix this, fix this, fix this.  I call myself a doer. I do not just sit around and wait for problems to be solved, I cry it out, get off my ass and work at the problem until it is solved.  This is not a bad thing, per say but it can be a bad thing when I am coming from a fear based mode.  I do not allow myself time to grieve.  I do not allow myself time to just breathe and enjoy what I have.  If I just gave myself one day after an event transpires that I did not see coming to just enjoy my life and my daughter, I would most likely wake up the following day with a calmer mind and a more intuitive heart.

I am in a better place today.  I slept well despite Kayci peeing the bed, I had a good work out, and am at peace with the events that have occurred over the past two weeks.  I’m giving myself today to do what my soul loves: writing, being with kids, and just letting all the bad crap go.   Although I do not practice a formal religion, I know that when something does not go as planned there is something bigger and better ahead: I am just not so good at the wait.  It is not always the light at the end of the tunnel but the tunnel itself.  We do not realize what we learn while in the tunnel until the light returns.  While I am in this certain tunnel I am going to try my hardest to be grateful for what I have, have faith in what is to come, and be happy for today.  Yesterday is history, tomorrow a mystery, today is a gift and that is why we call it the present.

Many of you feel like with every doctor appointment, failed medication, failed surgery or treatment you are just living in: “You have got to be freaking kidding me” and in many ways you are.  I lived in that world for way too many years but do not give up.  The lessons you are going to learn while in this tunnel of hell are going to make you a wise, empathetic, intuitive, person filled with gratitude once you exit the tunnel and see the brightest light there is: peace, health, and happiness.

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