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Gratitude For the Ups and Downs of Life

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“Be patient, everything comes to you at the right moment.”

-The Buddha

I turned thirty five just three days ago, an age I never thought I would reach fifteen years ago when chronic pain ruled my life but here I am at my favorite place in the world with my favorite person in the world and although the age of thirty five scares me, it is exciting  as well.

As many of you may know, I keep what is called a one-liner journal.  Every day since the year 2011, I write down three or four lines of what I did that day.  It is so easy and fascinating to see how much can change in a year, how much can stay the same, and how much you have to be grateful for.  I will share with you my one liner journal for June 7th, the day I was born.

June 7

2011:  Happy 30th birthday Jessica!  I woke up to beach chairs with balloons and a princess crown, gotta love my dad!  I went to the gym and had a protein shake shot: so much more rewarding than a shot of vodka!  My dad and I (and Kayci in my tummy) went to my favorite place in the world: Ocean City!  I read all day, ate amazing food like Mack and Manco pizza (I refuse to call it Manco and Manco despite the change of owners: it’s my history.)  Came home to my family and got great maternity work out clothes and a pink work out watch to check my heart rate:  BABY FIRST.    Such an amazing birthday full of laughter!

2012:  Birthday sucks!  I did yoga in the morning while Kayci watched me probably thinking inside her little head: “what the hell is my mommy doing?”  Had a doctor’s appointment for pain: so unhappy with myself.  I cannot believe I allowed myself to allow my doctor to prescribe pain medicine.  I hate myself.  I spent time with La La *my grandmother who passed days later.  I cannot believe this will be my last birthday with her next to me.  Sarah brought me my favorite soup.  Lindsay came over and we went for a very long walk with her doggie and Kayci.  Of course Lindsay cheered me up , as always and the highlight of the day was seeing Kayci laugh for the first time!!!!

2013:  Happy 32nd birthday!  Kayci woke me up at four am!  My dad gave me the sweetest card.  I miscarried two days ago so pretty down but also very proud of myself.  I cancelled my upcoming pain specialist appointment and made a firm decision to never go back to pain medication again.  It was one of the hardest phone calls of my life but I am tired of hating myself.  I know I can manage pain naturally and am much healthier and happier when not on any pain meds.  Following my intuition and wisdom makes me feel really great.  I made an inspiration station board with all my favorite quotes on it to remember each day how much happier I am without utilizing medications for pain.  Lindsay, my mom, Jay, my brother and his girlfriend came over.  Everyone was so good to me.  It could be one of the best birthdays of my life because I am so proud of myself.

2014: I woke up at four am and wrote a post that took two hours.  I cannot believe I am 33!   I took Kayci to get a pedicure and then the two of us went to the pool.  Eh not the best birthday but not the worst.  A few people came over for dinner.

2015:  Worst birthday I have ever had.  *can I be dramatic at times or what haha I feel very alone and sad.  Yes, I received gifts but gifts are never what make me truly happy.  Life seems to be going so fast and I don’t like it.

2016:  It is official I am 35.  I worked today and then had dinner with family.  My real birthday is in two days when my dad, Kayci and I are going to Ocean City!!!  I am so excited to read, play in the sand, and go in the frigid water because my daughter is as crazy as I am.  I got amazing cards that made me fantastic.  I am very proud of myself and although things aren’t as I had planned them to be at the age of thirty five, I know I am in the right direction.

“Thank you Universe For all the Good things in my Life, I do know yet know about!”

Abraham Hicks

2014:

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